Would You End Your Life to Save Your Child's? A Glimpse into a Parent's Love.

I feel like the English language really fell short in relation to the word, "love".  Sitting here, trying to describe just how much I love my 1-year-old child, the word, love, just seems to fall flat. LOVE.  It doesn't have the power, the oomph, the extraordinary element that I'm going for to truly describe my love for my son.  It's like going and seeing the most beautiful place on earth and you want to take a picture of it to capture the moment to show to your friends, yet, when you view the picture, it in NO WAY gives the landscape justice.  You just have to go and see it for yourself.  In the same way, I could try to explain to you a mother's love, yet, the only way you will truly get it, is to experience it yourself.  So in my best efforts to explain to you how much I love my child -- a love I've never felt before-- I am most likely going to fall short.  I do somewhat blame it on our English language and society.  We love to overuse or wrongly use this word in SO many ways...



Yes, my son gets that excited over a $10 Slip N' Slide!  

I mean, there is the most popular way in which we love our family, our parents, our spouses, our dogs... but even on a daily basis, I find myself having an attachment or feeling towards certain things that go beyond the word, like, and therefore I would say I love them:

I love my $4 bronzer from Walmart
I love the novel, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
I love Pad Thai
I love an ice-cold Diet Coke
I love receiving a hand-written card in the mail

I do.  I LOVE these things.  And our stupid language couldn't find other words to explain that feeling besides using that particular word. 

So, you see my predicament.  Because our English language overuses or lacks a variety of other words that would be a perfect synonym for which I LOVE those things, it's making it very difficult for me to express to you the new love I have for my 1-year-old son and my other son growing inside me without leaving you feeling emotionless or stagnant to that word.

HOW DO I TELL YOU!?!?

It's LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE times a million!

Love seeing that face as our son opens his presents on Christmas morning!

So in my efforts of trying to describe the indescribable, I've added a word in front of it:

Selfless Love. 

My definition:  A love that puts others before yourself. A love that continually gives without contingency. 

That is how I feel about my son and my other son inside me.  Still no affect?

How 'bout I try to explain it to you through a story...

I remember a conversation with my husband when I was pregnant with my first son:

He said something along the lines of," You know, if something happens where we have to pick between you or the baby during delivery, I want you to live."

I said, "Yea, I agree."

It wasn't a long conversation.  But it was apparent that we would choose my life over the baby's.  Of course, we didn't like the conversation and it gave us both a wave of sadness, but that was our reality.  My husband couldn't imagine life without me, and I couldn't imagine leaving this earth quite yet.  Judge all you want, that was our truth. 

Remember me trying to describe to you this selfless love thing...well...

WOAH!  Would I have made the biggest mistake!  Now that I have met my little guy and know the love I have for him, I think back to that conversation and wonder who that woman was!  I would choose my son a million times over before keeping my life.  I've lived my life.  (Yes, of course I'd like more time, but I know there is a heaven waiting for me.  I will be okay.)  Just don't end my son's life!  He has a full life ahead of him!  Thank God we never even came close to that decision because we would have made the wrong one. 

Experiencing the sea life on Daddy's boat for the first time

  

Now that I am pregnant with baby #2, there is NO doubt in my mind that I would do everything in my power to save my child before saving my own life.  I know I am going to have that same love for my next child that I have for my first son.  So, if my husband and I were to repeat the same conversation this go around, my answer would be quite different.  Choose the baby over me. 

Baby Boy #2 with me at my Best Friend's Wedding

So, hopefully this can give you a glimpse into a parent's love.  I have learned what it means to truly love selflessly.  To not only love someone as much as I love myself, but I love someone more than myself.  I would give my life to save theirs. 

I guess Jesus knew a thing or two about what he was talking about, because he couldn't have said it better than in the 15th chapter of John:

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Jesus died for me.  He chose me over himself that I may have life.  Like I said, I wouldn't hesitate to end my life for my sons'.  And, of a course, its also a healthy reminder to have this "selfless love" for others!

Now, that is love.  And, if you feel I have failed in my explanation of a parent's love, just like the picture of the beautiful landscape, you just have to go experience it for yourself.



Our son's 1st Birthday. Baby #2 in the belly!