For over the past three years I have been preparing to get pregnant (IVF), pregnant, or nursing. I also switched from a full time teacher to a full time mom. So it seems, at times, my mind and body have been taken hostage by two little guys for a long time. And, just now, I am finally getting a chance to breath. I may be inhaling the musky scent of dirty diapers and spit up, but I feel like I have made it through some tough days with my young boys and am no longer consumed by them. I feel I am more of a well-rounded mother, friend, and spouse. Sure, the chaos is still there. But I have a hold on it. I've done some things and created some habits that have made my life...dare I say it? Easier. And I want you to know (if you feel like you are just trying to survive each day), it definitely gets better...
 |
| My second son's first boat ride |
A good friend of mine, who has two boys under three years of age and a third baby girl on the way, gave me some great advice when I was going through the sleep deprived first days with my second son. She told me,"It can't last forever. It's a stage. It's just a season of your life." She then preceded to tell me about her troubles dealing with her son's separation anxiety and how she is using that same positive realistic mentality to tell herself that he can't feel this way forever either. "Its a stage. It's a season of time. It won't last forever." Those simple words were amazingly reassuring. She gave me the strength I needed to get through that particular stage with my son realizing it only lasts for a short time.
I don't think there's an exact science to when a mother feels in control or finally comfortable with her new role. Each mom's story is different. Each child is different. But here are a few things that have made all the difference in my life:
1. My children are no longer newborns. Sure, the newborn stage is adorable (if you're not the one taking care of him all day). There are some sweet memories I have of my sons as newborns, but I have to say the back half of their first year of life is so much sweeter. I am in love with my 9-month-old who is crawling by himself, feeding himself, and playing great by himself. He sleeps through the night, too! You get the benefits of having a squishy adorable baby around while at the same time enjoying a little relief from the constant neediness a newborn requires. So in this case, time is what I needed. I'm glad I was able to experience that stage with them, but more relieved I'm out of it.
 |
| Both my boys love this Fisher Price Play Door |
2. I stopped nursing. Breastfeeding has never been my thing. I was always awkward at it, but knew I needed to give it a fair try. I told myself I would do all I could to nurse at least 6 months. I actually continued until month 8 with both of my boys! Yes, I know the benefits of breastfeeding, and yes, I know it can be easier and cheaper at times, but this was my decision. I am proud of the months I nursed. (That was a disclaimer to all the momma's who want to give me a guilt trip.) With my first son, I felt very guilty for stopping. I was waiting to get permission, or the final "okay" from other mothers I knew. And that's just plain silly. I know what's best for me and my children, not any other mom. It's okay to stop. And therefore, for me, it got easier.
 |
| His first taste of spaghetti! |
3. I got a gym membership! I recommend this to any mom, more specifically, any stay-at-home mom! Now that my body is solely mine, meaning no one needs it for their survival, I can finally feel in control if it again. Is my post-baby body where I want it to be? Heck no. But I am doing something about it. I go to the gym 5 days a week. And before you think, "wow she's got some crazy discipline," my incentive is not to exercise; it's because I want a break from my kids! My gym has a play area with amazing staff members to watch them. My boys play with other kids, sing songs, and do arts and crafts. And for 1-2 hours, I have freedom. It may be a cement inclosure with smelly sweaty people all around me, but it's very liberating. I take classes where people kick my butt more than I could ever do on my own, and I get to be a part of the adult world! Sometimes, I run on the treadmill for 20 minutes, do some ab work and then hide away in the women's bathroom where I blissfully take a hot shower, shave my legs and blow dry my hair! It has been so good for me to get some time away from my children along with getting my body in shape!
4. We have a list of babysitters-- and use them! For a long time, I didn't use babysitters. I had one babysitter that I knew and used her 3 times in 2 years. Without family here to help watch our children, we don't get much time away from our kids. So, I made it my mission to get some some quality babysitters, so when one is unavailable, I can ask the next one on the list! Even if I don't use them regularly, it has rid me of that "trapped" feeling I used to get when I wanted to do something that required child-care but had no options. Now, I know a babysitter is a phone call away if I want a to go on a date with my husband, get my hair highlighted at the salon, or attend a funeral--all in which I have called a sitter for! I'm no longer letting the child-care issue be an excuse to not live my life how I fully desire!
 |
| First date night in a while. We sat at a bar and ate hamburgers. |
5. My children run on a daily schedule. (Now that I don't have a newborn, this is actually possible!) For anyone who knows me well, scheduling and organizing are not my forte. I have to work to be good at it. And just like in my teaching years, I know that a well organized and scheduled classroom equals success. I take that same philosophy toward my parenting style. We have routines with eating, sleeping and playing. My children are used to it, and so am I. If my plans do go awry or something comes up, I try to embrace it the best I can and regroup the next day!
6. I am part of a community. I didn't realize how lonely it can be staying at home with my children. Of course I have my loving husband who works hard but still finds the time to be with us in the afternoons and weekends, but as a stay-at-home-mom in a city that I've yet to fully call home, I have realized more than ever the importance of women in my life. My best friends and family, my mom friends, and my spiritual friends are all important to me, and I need them on a daily basis! I make more of a point to call or text my best friends--even if they are miles away. I plan play dates with my mom friends and their children. I've even met them in some funny places including the bank and the zoo! And lastly, I adore my Bible study group. We have been meeting for the past 3 years where we spend time in God's word. We are in different stages of life and may not all be best friends, but we pray for each other and always have one another to confide in. So through all of these different women in my life, I make a point to stay connected.
 |
| Two of my best friends and their baby bumps! |
As I was pulling groceries out of the car this morning a woman walked by with two preschool aged children in a double-stroller and saw my two boys fussing in the car while I tried to balance more bags than humanly possible on my arms. She gave me a sweet smile and said, "Don't worry, it gets easier." I had to chuckle right then and there because I had already written this post and was just waiting to add a few pictures. I thought I did have it more together, yet she saw me and, I am guessing, was remembering the time her own children were my sons' ages. So, I guess, my friends, it's all relative.
Who knows if my life may get thrown up in the air again as I go through the different stages with my sons or anything else life may throw at me? But I know I am much more grounded and prepared for it. And as my children grow older, and I grow (hopefully) wiser, juggling all the balls of motherhood don't seem so scary. I got this. And, so do you.
