...Headed Toward a New Season...

As I've grown older, I've come to embrace the important seasons in my life. I'm not talking about summer or fall, but a period of time in one's life. It may be a season of waiting, learning, joy, hardship, or even pain. It's life's circumstances, or I should say, God's will, that bring us these seasons, and it's at the Cross where these seasons are given meaning.

As I write this, I try to figure out just what to call this season I've had the past 3 1/2 years as a stay-at-home-mom and housewife.  Talking about it with my husband, we couldn't believe that so much time has passed and I've been in this season of child-rearing and house managing for really longer than either of us thought.  And all I could say to him was, "I felt like I was just surviving most of the time." In reality I was doing just fine. But through being pregnant, breastfeeding and caring for young ones, many days felt like survival mode. I went through so many whirlwinds of emotions trying to navigate my life, find my place, and find my worth that it was pretty exhausting.  But while that navigation was taking place, I was growing.

Many of our days were spent exploring our backyard.

Reflecting back, I think the best word to describe this season would be, "growth".

I grew as mother. Heck. I became a mother. But I grew to love others more than myself and for the first time I understood selflessness. I grew more confident, patient, and threw judgment of others out the window.

I grew as a wife. My husband and I both had to adjust to a new life and world with kids. We learned how to communicate and understand both our needs. We grew to rely on each other which deepen our bond. (And learn to appreciate that a date night might come in the form of left-overs at the kitchen table while the kids are asleep.)

A couple hours at the beach always cured any cabin fever -- and a Friday afternoon tradition with Daddy. 

I grew as a friend. I became more connected as I realized more than ever that I needed those relationships -- and in different ways than I needed my husband. I treasure those women.

I grew as a sister. I bonded with my older sister about motherhood and we closer now than ever before.

I grew as a daughter. Having children gave me a better understanding of my parents and the sacrifices they made for me and my sister. I have such gratitude toward them.

I grew closer to my Lord. I've been his daughter for a long time, but I've had to lean on Him more times in these past 3 years than ever before. And not that they've been my hardest years, but they've come with such newness and vulnerability that I didn't want to navigate this new life without Him.

And that last one has been my most important growth--where all others are void if I'm not growing in Him.  I can do things that scare me and learn to face my fears head-on because I'm learning to let God lead the way instead of tackling things on my own.

Playground and picnics were constantly on our schedule!

Once my second son was born, I knew most likely I'd go back to work. But I didn't know what that looked like. Teaching? Doing something part-time? I was scared of the unknown. So I started to pray. My prayers were kinda like this:

"Lord, should I go back to work? Is my place still here with the boys during the day? Where are you calling me, Lord? I give it to you."

Of course at times I would day dream about what I thought would be nice for our family, and I remember telling those close to me, "In a perfect world, I'd like to teach at the great Christian private school near our home and have my children go there." But I didn't pray for that. I just kept praying for Him to reveal what would be best for our family. Not my wants, but His.

I started applying for jobs in early February. I applied to a women's shelter who needed a tutor, my former public school I taught at for 3 years, and a a handful of Christian private schools to see if I'd get any bites.

The women's center job looked promising yet the hours were going to keep me away from my husband and family at night, and I knew this job needed to work for all of us.

I interviewed at a wonderful Christian private school where I sent my resume although they had no openings at the time. And still don't.

I also interviewed at my former school and they offered me the position, yet I didn't need to give them a confirmation right away. So I didn't.

I just kept praying. All obvious signs led to taking my former job. I knew the people there. I knew what was asked of me there. I was comfortable there. But if I've learned anything in this season, it's to break down the comfort zones I've lived in and that's where true growth happens.

So, I kept praying. And actually, through a conversation with my husband who has always said he would support me with any job I choose, spoke up and said, "this is not the one" (speaking about my former position at the public school). It was scary to put ourselves out in faith when I didn't have any other options.

But I kept praying. Even with nothing in motion. I kept praying. And about a month ago, in May, I got a call to interview at the "perfect-world-scenario-school" I mentioned before. I planned as much as I could for the interview and I was a nervous wreck the day before, but moments before the interview as I sat in my car, I gave it to God.

"Lord. You know my heart. You can see my tomorrow and my next 50 years. I give this to you. Guide my words and my heart and let them be a reflection of you."

I sent this picture to my friends' group text to get some encouragement and prayer before the interview!

2 weeks after that interview, I received a call saying the position was mine! And while the interview was tough, I was weirdly comfortable in it. There's not many times that I confidently feel God's presence, although He never leaves me.  But in that office, in that space, in that space that I unknowingly had been praying for...for so long, I felt His presence. 

The crazy part was I already decided to put my kids in their preschool regardless of what school I was at. It's amazing how early you have to sign children up or they will loose their spot! So I did, while not even knowing they had a job opening, or I'd be their top pick for the English position, but God did.

Faith. Prayer. God's will.

Granted, God could have called me to stay home another year, and we would have made it work. But, there is such a peace about this decision for our family. Which can only be from God because I don't always adapt well to change. And this is a big one for us!

So I have two more months with my boys this summer to soak up this stay-at-home mom thing and see if there's any more growth I can squeeze out of it.  And as for the next season, I am ready.

Mrs. Joyce is headed back to the English classroom! 9th Grade! And of course praying along the way for all the fears and doubts that may creep in, yet we know full-well this is the right decision for our family.

Family picture at our church for our youngest son's dedication day.

As for the future of "Mommy-Revealed," I initially started it to reveal all the things about being a mom-- and more so-- a stay-at-home mom.  And i know I'll still have more moments and revelations to share...or perhaps this was just to be a part of my growth during this season?

Either way, thank you to all who have read and walked along this journey with me. And hopefully I've given some bits of insight along the way, too. It's a village. Always. 💙

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." - Ecc 3:1, 11