Punch in stomach.
Can't Breath.
Heartache.
With my husband by my side we left the small surgery center in complete shock.
I remember somewhat holding it together until we reached the car. I opened the passenger door, sat down, put my hands over my face and bawled and bawled and bawled. We both were not prepared for this news.
This isn't supposed to happen to me! I'm meant to be a mom. I have to have my own baby! Will I ever have children? Will my husband resent me? I felt embarrassed. I know that's a weird feeling to have, but I was. At that moment, I felt like I was somehow less of a woman.
A couple months earlier I was diagnosed with endometriosis. So I was informed that infertility was a possibility, but of course everyone always thinks, "not me".
If you are wondering what endometriosis is, here's the short version:
Every time I have my period I have displaced tissue that should normally be in the uterus break down and bleed in other parts of my body. Eventually it causes scar tissue throughout the pelvic region. It can cause severe pain during the menstrual cycle, pain in the lower abdomen, and pain during intercourse. I will have endometriosis as long as I have a period.
I ended up having laparoscopic surgery to confirm the endometriosis and see how severe it was in my body. It was mainly in my ovaries, cervix, and fallopian tubes. During this procedure, the first fallopian tubal dye study was attempted to see if the tubes were blocked with scar tissue. The dye did not successfully move through the tubes.
After hearing the devastating news, my OBGYN decided to give me a bit more hope and do the tubal dye study one more time just in case my body didn't accept the fluid because it was under stress with the surgery.
Since this procedure was minimally invasive, I was able to watch the procedure on a computer screen while it was happening.
I remember the nurse saying, "It's really cool; you will be able to see the dye flow through the tubes like a maze."
Dye went in, and there was no movement. It just stopped. Stupid nurse. Why would she say that?
(picture obtained from asrm.org)
Up to this point I seriously did not think anything would go wrong. I thought I would complete the tests, see all was good, and keep going on with life. Well, this was definitely a life-changer. To hear the news I could not conceive naturally was absolutely devastating.
So, there my husband and I stood. Newlyweds. Children not even on the horizon. And I was told my only chance for having children would be through in vitro fertilization.
A little anatomy lesson for you: The fallopian tubes are mandatory in order to make a baby. During ovulation, one egg is dropped through one of the fallopian tubes. From there, it is able to be fertilized. Therefore, IVF would specifically place the fertilized egg inside my uterus bypassing the tubes altogether.
So, after pitying myself for about a month. I decided to keep going. I would not let this get the best of me. I had options and I needed to stay positive.
Although my husband and I weren't quite on board with having a baby yet, we went ahead and made an appointment with the fertility doctor.
After talking through our options and money, we decided to try naturally for a couple months. We knew it was a long-shot but we had to at least try the natural course for having a baby.
(Yes, we started preparing to make a baby even before we were ready. Is anyone truly ever ready? I pushed my husband a bit more than he wanted to be pushed, but I couldn't imagine life without a baby. I also knew time was on my side since I am young. As a couple, we decided we didn't want to look back and say, "We should have tried earlier.")
We had no luck with trying naturally. But, it did justify us taking the next step... and a big one that was! We decided to go through with in vitro fertilization.
Since there are many doctor appointments during the IVF process, we decided to start the process while I was on summer break (one benefit of being a teacher).
Although I have tried to block out the specifics of those two months, let me give you an idea of what I went through:
I was on lots of hormones. The goal is to release more than the normal one egg during ovulation so there are more eggs to pick from to fertilize. Hints A LOT of HORMONES to make more eggs!
(My schedule of hormone injections.
We had to be consistent every day with the timing of injections.)
I really got used to giving blood. I had to give my vitals and blood work every week. My husband also had to give me shots about twice a day. I never watched. I would just prepare myself, relax my body, close me eyes, and wait for it to be over. He hated hurting me, but he was awesome. He was my rock through all of it.
I remember the first shots I had to do were in my lower abdomen. The doctor put two big "x marks the spot" X's on each side of my abdomen so my husband knew where to inject the hormones. I remember, at times, there wasn't any place to insert the needle that didn't hurt since I had bruises from all my previous shots.
Along with the shots, I had plenty of oral medication to take, too. The side effects were not fun either. I was mostly lethargic and depressed. I was under strict instructions to not work up a sweat. So what's a girl to do in July in Florida? I sat on my couch and gained 10 pounds! I was so ready for that part to be over!
So once my eggs were finally ready, I underwent surgery to retrieve the eggs. That was our first great news. The doctor retrieved so many eggs, they called me the "egg lady" at the fertility clinic. That was really promising!
My eggs then got a grade. Literally, they were assigned a grade from A to F-- just like in school. The doctor said I had about 12 grade-A eggs! We even laughed saying I could have a whole football team if I wanted.
Then, it was finally my husband's turn. The sperm. Of course his one part in all of this was "pleasurable" for him!
We then had a choice to make. The doctor asked if we wanted to put one or two eggs in my uterus. He said since my eggs were so good that most likely both would take. I asked him what are the percentages? A normal person (how most of us got here on this earth) is about 30% chance that the egg and sperm will take. Since science is involved here, my percentages went up to about 50%.
This was tough. We had already gone through lots of pain, time, energy and money, and we had to choose either one egg or two? Brett and I, still nervous about the baby life and the added stress of a multiple pregnancy on my body, we decided to gamble on just one egg. We just couldn't fathom twins in our future.
So, literally all of my eggs (egg) were in one basket (uterus). With $14,000 riding on this one egg, talk about ANXIETY!
(Yeah, I forgot to mention the money. Even though I had two insurances, one with my job at Duval County Public Schools and one with my husband's insurance through his company, none of it was covered. It came to around $14,000 out of pocket expenses. Worth. Every. Penny.)
The egg and sperm are fertilized outside of the body and grows for about a week before inserted into the uterus. I continued to take hormones in order to trick my body it was a week pregnant although there was no fertilized egg in it in order for my body to accept the fertilized egg.
The day finally came! It was a quick and pretty much a painless procedure. I was even able to see the insertion of the egg into the uterus. That was cool.
(The bright dot in middle left is the fertilized egg inserted into the uterus!)
We waited and prayed, and waited and prayed. It worked! And of course, the rest is history. We got pregnant, and now have an amazing beautiful baby boy. (My heart goes out for all the women who have to go through multiple rounds of IVF. You are so strong.) 
So now back to the revelation I guess, huh?
I'm PREGNANT! Naturally! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! How cool is this? No hormones. No needles. No money.
We got this one for free! ;)
We thought Carson was our miracle baby, but now we feel like this one is! I guess all babies are miracles.
So how can this be? Well, for 9 months I didn't have a period along with 9 months of breastfeeding, so my scar tissue started to heal. Pregnancy was the best thing for my endometriosis! I didn't have a period for a year and a half. Actually, I've yet to have a period.
And of course, as it says in the book of James, "All good and perfect gifts are from above." Thank you, Lord, for all our many blessings. So many times I fall short of Your glory, yet You provide me with more than I ever deserve. Thank YOU, God, for our first child, and my pregnancy, now.
Of course I didn't really think I was pregnant when I took the pregnancy test. I had been working out the past month and really trying to eat healthy, and yet, my belly still looked so bloated. I kept waiting for my period to come. Finally, I asked my husband to buy me a pregnancy test just to be cautious. He bought the cheapest one at the store, seriously not wanting to waste the money on a negative result. But, good thing he bought a two-pack because we both couldn't believe it! I had to double check!
We were in shock, but this time it was pure astonishment and excitement!
So, here I am. 9 weeks pregnant. Still super early and on some hormones just to play it safe.
No comments:
Post a Comment