I immediately started bawling my eyes out. I felt horrible. I hated breaking the rules, and I hated even more having my mother upset with me. I crawled into my bed and stuffed my head between my knees embarrassed at the events that just occurred. My mother didn't even punish me, but consoled me as I cried on the bed. Not a normal disciplinary action for a parent to have, but I was really shaken up.
Shy as a young girl, I never was the one to break the mold. I tended to stay within the lines. I was a rule follower. As an adult, my rule following turned more into being overly cautious or worse, a lack of spontaneity. My husband would roll his eyes at some of the things I worried about that the "average" person wouldn't think twice about.
We were on our way to the beach. It was packed. There were no parking spots in sight. My husband thought to park at our old place and walk the block to the beach. I responded with, "That's ILLEGAL, we don't live there anymore." He tends to laugh at me when I say this because I emphasize the word where my eyes get real big and my voice gets high-pitched like a little girl. Needless to say, we drove around another 10 minutes until a spot opened up, because, of course, parking in our old apartment complex is, no doubt, ILLEEEEEEGAL!
Being a first-time parent hasn't helped the situation. Within my son's first year of life, I would definitely have classified myself as an overly protective parent. I was just doing innately what I felt was right. I even wrote about it here, I Can Have a Life, And a Baby, Too!
But now as my son enters toddlerdom, (is that a word?) a different side of me has returned. I say returned because there have been times in my life where I have, say, let my hair down. This care-free spontaneous side was most prevalent during my college years. And, of course it was! My only worry was making it to class on time in the morning! I didn't have the worries of finances, jobs, future planning, house-tending, and baby-caring that I do now. I learned to love life, live a little, and maybe break a few rules along the way.
A close sorority sister even wrote me a letter one time and told me how she loved my life's mantra, which she claimed I answered life's dilemma's with the phase, "let it ride." (What? I said this hippy, throw-caution-to-the-wind saying, and said it enough that she took notice? ) She continued to tell me another time how she enjoyed my care-free spirit in which I didn't let things "ruffle my feathers". I just shook my head up and down slowly taking full credit of this life-view, "oh yeah, that's my motto, LET IT RIDE!" That was one of the best compliments anyone had ever given me.
So why is this "let it ride" mentality coming to light again? For one thing, I am much more comfortable in my skin as a mom. I understand that there are many different parenting styles (no one right answer) for the many different types of children. Although I may be knocked down, confused, scared, or overwhelmed as a parent, I will never cease to give my children the best care I can. And, now that my little one has become a toddler, his care-free nature of just being a kid has rubbed off on me. And it's been really, really, refreshing.
For instance...
Huge fistful's of sand in his mouth? Sure, why not?
Or grapes covered in the sand for a snack? Yuummmy!
Pacifier fell on the ground? 5 second rule.
Throwing dirt out of my flower pots? I'll buy more.
Baby Poop on the back porch? Hose it off. (You have to be a parent, I think, to understand this one.)
Playing in the fountain at the zoo because the splash pad is full of big kids? A little reclaimed water has never hurt anyone. ;)
Going into Dillard's to buy socks for Daddy but have a spontaneous Hide-And-Go-Seek game in the clothes with my son instead? Total Mommy Win. Sorry sales clerk.
I told me husband a couple days ago how I've really started to feel more comfortable when it comes to raising Carson. Of course I will instill discipline and respect, but I want to be the mom that can forget responsibilities for a minute, or a time-schedule, or even proper etiquette sometimes for the chance to make fun, lasting memories with my children. This is my one life.
I'm excited and encouraged to see this side of me blossom. I look to the future with a full heart and smile as I know I will, "let it ride" more often.
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