"Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, and Slow to Become Angry"

As my husband's and my 3rd wedding anniversary approaches, (tomorrow! - I need to go buy a card!) I can't help but reflect on the past 3 years of our marriage.  So many times I catch myself saying to my husband,

"I am the luckiest woman on earth.  How did I find someone as great as you?"

My relationship with Brett has always come easy.  From our first flirty tennis date in 2007, we were infatuated with each other.  We never had to work or wonder about our relationship. Once, when we were in college and only dating a couple of months, we both had big study nights ahead of us.  We didn't necessarily have time to hang out, but Brett found himself at my sorority house just wanting to see me.  I, too, wanted to see him.  We picked up study snacks; you know, Gatorades, Red Bulls, pretzels, chocolate... the diet of all late-night college students.  We were just two kids without a care in the world.  Being in each other's presence was always enough.  It never mattered what we were doing, as long as we were together. 

Living together also came easy.  I  remember talking to other couples and wasn't able to relate to the annoyance or difficulty that came with living with the opposite sex for the first time.  Our first place together was probably all of 600 sq. feet and we couldn't have been happier.   Even with my "a little bit less than perfect clean house"  and his particularity with things in certain places, everything just fell into place.  Livin' was easy. Our marriage, our jobs... life was good.

Life is still good. But as I look at our relationship this past year, for the first time, Brett and I have had to "work" on our relationship. The stress of his job has increased, finances have been tighter with only one income, and we do not have near enough alone time with a baby in the house. 

We've found ourselves bickering and fighting more than I think we both would like to admit.

Brett and I have always been good about settling our disagreements.  We talk.  We communicate.  We let each other know our feelings -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I think lately, we still talk, we still communicate, yet the delivery in which we let each other know our differences has been less than desirable. 

Lately, I have been deeply studying the Book of James.  My lovely Bible Study women and I have picked a study that solely goes through this particular book of the Bible pretty much verse-by-verse.  James has always been my favorite book, with its analogies and life application; it's an English Teacher's dream!  Being someone that has grown up knowing God and studying his Word, I have many times become immune to what the Bible tells me.  This time, I have been craving for God to speak to me.  I didn't want this to be another study that I can just add to my collection. "Please, God, let these words speak to me and change my heart." Well, He heard me.  A verse that I even have memorized jumped out at me and said: 

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." James 1:19 

So I reflect on my own actions lately with my husband according to this verse:

1. Quick to Listen.  So, this first means shutting up.  Don't have the first word...or the last.  Just listen.  Listen without the preparation of what I am going to say next.  Listen and understand his side, his opinions, his heart.

2. Slow to speak.  When I first read this, I thought, okay, more listening. Got it.  But as I realized the type of writer James, brother of Jesus, is, I knew that he is so intentional with each of his words.   He wouldn't repeat himself in this way.  Take note, Dianna, what is he saying?  For lack of a better analogy, I think of word vomit.  Word vomit is saying things without even thinking about what you want to say before it comes out of your mouth.  Like vomit, it just has its way of spewing out of you probably not in the most lovely of ways.  Instead, James wants me to be wise with my words.  I need to realize that every word I say can have a lasting effect. 

3. Slow to become angry.  This one hit home.  I wouldn't say I am angry, but I'm definitely moody.  Come on, I'm pregnant!  Can't I be exempt from this one?   Life can give someone all sorts of reasons to be nasty to other people, not feeling well, stressed, tired, anxiety, sadness... it is how we deal with these certain emotions that come our way that show our true colors. 

My colors haven't been the prettiest lately toward my husband. Pregnancy is not an excuse.

Regardless of what life throws at us (and I think we've had it pretty good; my family is showered with blessings), we are called to love one another.  James had this figured out.  He didn't say only certain people should do this.  He called EVERYONE to action.  This is a command for ALL people. Even pregnant people. ;)

One of the reasons I love Brett so much is his genuine heart.  He cares to know me and my feelings.  He's not too "manly" to pray or show his feelings as well.  We've even been praying more together.  I notice when it's not just the two of us, but we include God in our relationship, it seems to become easy again. We try to embody what James had to say.

As I pray this week, I pray that my son (and my growing lil' baby in my belly) also finds God's word.  I pray that Brett and I teach them from a young age what it means to go to God for guidance in their lives. 

Happy Anniversary, Babe. I am so thankful and blessed to have you as my husband. 

"I am the luckiest girl in the world". 

Just 20 Minutes to the New Me!

Lately I have been wanting to lose this dreaded baby weight.  I thought by now I'd be well on my way to my best body ever, but unfortunately, that is not the case.  As the holidays approach, I look down at my tummy and it seems to resemble the contour of Frosty the Snowman or Santa's "bowl full of jelly" more than I'd like to admit. 

Ideally, I would like to have an hour or so at the gym each night, but somehow that never ends up happening.  Life gets in the way.  By the time my husband is home to watch my son, I've already started dinner and prepared Carson for bed.  After dinner I am all too comfortable sitting on the couch watching "Bing Bang Theory" enjoying the peace that comes with a sleeping baby.  So, another day seems to fly by without exercising. 

I know what you're thinking. "Why not just jog with your baby in the stroller during the day?" And, sometimes I do.  But... it's just different.  I don't seem to get the same workout. 

Recently I have been going on a run around the neighborhood for around 20 minutes each evening.  What's 20 minutes to take time for myself?  How could anyone deny me 20 minutes?  I notice it's a lot easier to ask for 20 minutes to take a quick jog than it is to get in the car, go to the gym, and come home. 

20 minutes seems like nothing.  My husband is quickly willing to take Carson or pick up with the dinner routine when I say it's only 20 minutes that I need.  In his mind, it is not even enough time to watch a full episode of "Seinfeld" or enough time to waste all his lives on Candy Crush.  So,  I usually get my 20 minutes without any complaints.

(I should mention my hubby does help more than just 20 minutes a day.  I do get time away while he watches Carson.  But, on a normal night, even when he has Carson, I am still in mommy world watching them play and enjoying our family.)

The initial reason I started this 20 minute jog around the neighborhood  was to stop giving excuses--even if it was just a measly 20 minutes.  But, it has actually turned into so much more:

My 20 minutes begin.  Shutting the door behind me, I leave.  I leave the diaper changes, the feedings, the crying, the laundry, the dirty kitchen floors, the exhaustion, the chaos--I leave it all behind as I lift my head up and let the Florida sun shine on my face.  I walk through my front yard toward the neighborhood sidewalk putting my earbuds in my ears.  I click on the Pandora app on my iphone and choose Rhianna Radio, which, by the way, happens to be the best station for all the kick-butt women songs!  There is an immediate release of endorphins as my blood starts pumping and my feet move faster one in front of the other. All my "mom worries" seem to be lifting off my back.  I feel lighter.  My outlook on the world is no longer a small scope but a panoramic view. 

I love working out to a really good song.  It's amazing what music can do to one's mood.  I start to imagine myself breaking it down on the dance floor of an imaginary club or belting out a song on stage in front of Randy Jackson.  The song recently that has quite possibly even made me fist pump the air mid-stride is Katy Perry's song, "Roar":

"...I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar..."

I am transformed in an instant.  For just a little bit I am not just "mommy", but so much more.  I am hip and cool (I realize just by saying those words I am quite the opposite, but this is my own dream world!) I am sexy.  I am woman.  I am super-woman. 

Although tired, I seem to pick up the pace a bit as I near the end of my jog.  I imagine I am on "The Biggest Loser" while Jillian Michaels yells in my ear,  "Don't give up.  You can do it!"

I'm back on my door step.  I feel good... really good.  And not just because I worked out, but because I got a moment for myself.  A moment (or more like 20 minutes) to realize that there is so much more to me as a woman than just the role of mother and wife.  I start to aspire more for myself.  Things like working hard to obtain the body I deserve to have, get out in the community and serve, or spend more quality time with my friends.   

I open the door to my house.  It is exactly as I have left it, but the point in which I see it has changed.

I kiss my baby's face all over and then look to my husband and say, "Thank you, I needed that."

I Can Have a Life, and a Baby too!

Being a first time mom and a stay-at-home mom, my life truly does revolve around my child.  My day revolves around Carson, when he wakes, when he eats, when he naps...you get the idea.   I have fallen into role of "mommy" wonderfully in terms of taking care of my child, yet my social life has taken a deep plunge. 

I see some moms who continue on in a way much like their lives before children.  They attend college football games, constantly post pictures of travel and date nights, and somehow already have amazing post baby bodies, too!

A normal daily outing for Carson and me consists of a trip to Publix or a walk around the neighborhood.  A BIG outing consists of a play date with another mommy and baby or, on a rare occasion, out to dinner. 

I know I am in the category of worrier/overprotective mother.  Hey, it's my first time and I just love the Cuddle Monster so much! I cant help but worry.  I WISH I could be more carefree and adventurous with my child.  I mention these other mothers all out of PURE JEALOUSY.  I could easily obtain the lives I envy, but I somehow always have a range of excuses that hold me back.  The excuses go something like...

"We don't have family members that live near us to help out."

"We don't have day care."

"I'm still breastfeeding."

"We don't want to spend money."

"Getting a babysitter (stranger) is scary!"

...and the one I notice myself saying the most...

"I don't know if Carson will handle (insert activity here) well?"

So, the revelation that my baby and I can handle A LOT more than I give us credit for came when our family went to go visit my best friend. Leave it to the best friend to teach ya somethin'... and she doesn't even have kids!

It was going on the side of WAY-TO-LONG since I've seen my college bestie/sorority sister.  We somehow would try to plan a trip to see each other and then the plans would fall through.  Finally, we just decided to pick a date, put it on the calendar, and hold to it. 

So my husband, 7-month-old baby and I packed our Ford Edge far more than we needed to for a weekend get-away, and we were off on our 6-hour trip from Jacksonville to Pensacola to visit my friend, Olivia, and her husband, Bentley. 

One of the many things I cherish about Olivia is her zest for life.  She makes me get out of my comfort zone.  She always has. (That's probably why we have LOTS of great stories to tell from our college adventures!) So, visiting her was nothing short of busy and fun!  I wanted so badly to hang out with my best friend and be the mom that went with the flow.  But each activity that we did, I had terrible anxiety about how it would turn out. Here's a list of the many things we did during the roughly 36 hours we were there...( all with baby in tow!)

Friday:
-arrived in town late and ate Bentley's amazing cedar plank salmon while sipping on wine and laughing about who knows what.... Carson even stayed up till 11:30

Saturday:
- went out to eat for breakfast
- attended a walking tour of historic downtown Pensacola, FL (Carson only had one almost accident involving a hundred-year-old piece of china in one of Florida's oldest homes!)

- went home to regroup and pump breast milk
- walked around the Seafood Festival in downtown Pensacola
- headed to a bar to watch the Florida State football game

(O.K. here is where I have to tell you my mommy anxiety meter was burning bright red. I was pretty impressed by how much we had done throughout the day so far, but a BAR?

This is how the scenario played out in my head when I heard we were taking Carson to a bar to watch the game:

I walk in to the dark smoke-filled packed bar cradling my baby while being pushed from all directions until I find a seat to sit with my child.  Everyone is staring at me thinking how awful of a mother I am to have a child in a bar. "How could she?!" Beer is sloshing everywhere while people are yelling and cheering at the television screens.  Of course, Carson is crying!

Reality:

I walk into the open, clean, sun-filled room where everyone is sitting at tables eating lunch pleasantly watching the game.  It's just like any sports bar on an early Saturday afternoon; all different types are there to watch the game, families included.  It's relatively quiet while Carson, Olivia and I walk over to our husbands waiting on us with chairs for us to sit in. We order some food and drinks.  People come over to Carson to tell us how cute he is in his Seminole jersey. 

So, yes.  My imagination definitely ran away from me! Good thing I had Olivia there to tell me all was going to be O.K. before we walked in.  Carson loved the clapping and cheering and all the commotion to keep him busy! He lasted the whole 4 hours of the game at that bar!  Of course it was a bit tiring for my husband and I to hold him the whole time, but ultimately we all had a great time watching our 'Noles win!

Back to the list...

- headed back to the house to regroup and give Carson a nap
- went back to Seafood Festival to eat dinner and attend an 80's cover band concert

Sunday:
- went for a walk around Olivia's beautiful historic neighborhood
- ate brunch at a restaurant overlooking the gulf

- relaxed on the beach before our trip home

I didn't want to tell Olivia no to any of these things just because I was nervous about how Carson would handle it.  I wanted to show her I could do it all and live it up like we used to.  I only denied her once when she tried to get her neighbor to watch Carson while we went to the concert.  A stranger watch my child? I'm not that carefree.  I know I was a nervous wreck at times worrying about all these "new" adventures with Carson, but ultimately I had a blast. I loved spending time with my best friend and it meant the world to me for her to meet Carson. 

Did we do a lot in a 36-hour time frame? Heck ya.  Was I tired? That's an understatement.

But the real question:

How did Carson do? Just fine.  Wow, I could do more than just take him to the grocery store and back in a day? What a revelation!

I couldn't help but look at Olivia's life and envy it a bit.  Her husband is killing it as a new lawyer in town while she is doing awesome expanding her father's business and teaching dance at night.  They also have tons of friends and seem to be quite the socialites of Pensacola.  I wouldn't expect anything less from this power couple!

It made me reflect on my life and my situation.  Of course we can't do all that they do or have weekends like that all the time, but we can definitely get out a little more!  I need to stop making excuses because I am nervous or anxious about the unknown. 


God bless my friendship with Olivia.  A friend that is good company is great, but a friend that can make you become a better version of yourself is one to be cherished. Since my visit with Olivia, I have started to say yes to so much more! Not only will it benefit Carson to have new experiences, but Mommy and Daddy will start to get some "normalcy" back into their lives again, too!

"Long Poops"

In the past 6 months of living with a newborn, my husband and I seem to take longer poops.

Yep. I said it. Poop.

I’m not saying the actual turd is longer; I’m saying the duration of the time spent on the porcelain throne has significantly increased. Like all of a sudden there’s a constipation problem in the house?

I can’t help but to reference the recent movie with Paul Rudd in This is 40 where his movie wife, Leslie Mann, actually catches him taking a “fake dump” while sitting there playing on an ipad.

I ask myself, “Why? Why is all this time dedicated to probably the foulest thing we will do all day?”

Two words. Alone time. And not just any alone time—undisturbed alone time.

“Honey, can you grab the baby?” Nope. I’m pooping.

“Babe, can you take out the trash?” Nope. Pooping.

“Will you help get dinner started?” Pooping.

You really can’t get mad at someone who has to go. I mean, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go. Don’t get me wrong. My husband and I are not sitting on the pot all day. But, when we finally get to shut the door to the sweet oasis that awaits, we are void of any responsibility that could potentially come our way.

Welp. I guess I should flush and get on with my day. Till next time…