The Birth Story I Didn't Write

Today is my son's first birthday, and I realized I've yet to post his birth story.  It's not that I haven't written it.  It is a draft, sitting in my list of posts waiting for me to hit the orange "publish" button.  But, I continue to read it and I just can't seem to do it.  It's a lot of," blah-blah-I'm-in-pain stuff" that I really don't even think about anymore.  At the time, it was intense and memorable, but it's not what I really want to remember.  So, I'll keep that story in my draft box just for me, but for you, I'm going to give you the "in a nutshell" version along with some of the things  I didn't write... 

Mommy and David

I birthed 21.5 inches and 10.1 pounds out of my vagina.  I should probably stop there because you can probably guess what I'm going to say next, but I'll give you a bit more detail.  It hurt. I screamed. A lot. I cried. A lot.  My husband, mom, and mother-in-law gave me lots of encouragement and hand-holding and I continued to push. And scream. And cry. And push. And scream. And cry.
I experienced a pain I didn't even know existed.
And then, it happened.
He was here.
And that is all that matters. 

Hospital photo. 2 days old

Here's what I didn't write in my previous post:

I didnt write that my husband held him first.  I watched them from my delievery bed and was so thankful for both of them.  That memory is forever engrained in my mind. 

I didnt write that when I held him for the first time, I realized love had no limit.  I love him just as much as my first son.  It was a beautiful moment. 

I didnt write that I should have brought 6 months clothing to the hospital for my son to wear. Newborn clothing just didn't fit. 

I didn't write the signifance of his name and how much thought we put into the perfect name for David Justave Joyce.  David was his great grandfather's name on his dad's side and Justave was the middle name of his great-great grandfather,Mandor Matson, from his mom's side. A name built from our family.

I didn't write about how much I enjoyed the couple days I had to focus on my new son and husband in the hopsital.  Although I missed my first born and he was enjoying some time with his grandparents, I loved the bonding time with our new son-- just the three of us. 

I didn't write about all of our wonderful extended family and friends who sent presents, called, texted, made us dinner, prayed and loved on us.  We felt so blessed to be on the minds and hearts of so many people. 

Carson first meets his baby brother

David, on your first birthday, I no longer worry or care about the pain during your birth.  (Although I may mention it when you are older as leverage.)

I celebrate the boy.  You are no longer my little baby.  I celebrate this past year as you have brought me such joy! I am so honored to be the mother that will help guide you on your path in life.  I pray daily for you. Sometimes it's small prayers like sleeping well throughout the night without me. And sometimes its big prayers, like becoming a man of character and wisdom.

You already have such a sweet heart and easy-going temperment that will serve you well in this life. 

Happy Birthday my big Bubba Bear, my Davey Baby, my Dave-Daves. 

I love you. 

David on his 1st birthday 9/2/15

Our family at David's 1st birthday party a few weeks ago.
It was shark themed at the beach!



David was a bit overwhelmed with his brother and cousins helping with present opening.

"Hey New Moms!...It Gets Easier, I Promise."

For over the past three years I have been preparing to get pregnant (IVF), pregnant, or nursing.  I also switched from a full time teacher to a full time mom. So it seems, at times, my mind and body have been taken hostage by two little guys for a long time.  And, just now, I am finally getting a chance to breath.  I may be inhaling the musky scent of dirty diapers and spit up, but I feel like I have made it through some tough days with my young boys and am no longer consumed by them.  I feel I am more of a well-rounded mother, friend, and spouse.  Sure, the chaos is still there.  But I have a hold on it.  I've done some things and created some habits that have made my life...dare I say it? Easier.  And I want you to know (if you feel like you are just trying to survive each day), it definitely gets better...

My second son's first boat ride

A good friend of mine, who has two boys under three years of age and a third baby girl on the way, gave me some great advice when I was going through the sleep deprived first days with my second son. She told me,"It can't last forever.  It's a stage.  It's just a season of your life."  She then preceded to tell me about her troubles dealing with her son's separation anxiety and how she is using that same positive realistic mentality to tell herself that he can't feel this way forever either.  "Its a stage.  It's a season of time.  It won't last forever." Those simple words were amazingly reassuring. She gave me the strength I needed to get through that particular stage with my son realizing it only lasts for a short time.  

I don't think there's an exact science to when a mother feels in control or finally comfortable with her new role.  Each mom's story is different.  Each child is different.  But here are a few things that have made all the difference in my life:

1.  My children are no longer newborns. Sure, the newborn stage is adorable (if you're not the one taking care of him all day).  There are some sweet memories I have of my sons as newborns, but I have to say the back half of their first year of life is so much sweeter.  I am in love with my 9-month-old who is crawling by himself, feeding himself, and playing great by himself.  He sleeps through the night, too! You get the benefits of having a squishy adorable baby around while at the same time enjoying a little relief from the constant neediness a newborn requires.  So in this case, time is what I needed.  I'm glad I was able to experience that stage with them, but more relieved I'm out of it. 

Both my boys love this Fisher Price Play Door

2.   I stopped nursing.  Breastfeeding has never been my thing.  I was always awkward at it, but knew I needed to give it a fair try.  I told myself I would do all I could to nurse at least 6 months.   I actually continued until month 8 with both of my boys! Yes, I know the benefits of breastfeeding, and yes, I know it can be easier and cheaper at times, but this was my decision. I am proud of the months I nursed. (That was a disclaimer to all the momma's who want to give me a guilt trip.)  With my first son, I felt very guilty for stopping.  I was waiting to get permission, or the final "okay" from other mothers I knew.  And that's just plain silly. I know what's best for me and my children, not any other mom. It's okay to stop. And therefore, for me, it got easier.

His first taste of spaghetti!

3.  I got a gym membership!  I recommend this to any mom, more specifically, any stay-at-home mom!  Now that my body is solely mine, meaning no one needs it for their survival, I can finally feel in control if it again.  Is my post-baby body where I want it to be?  Heck no.  But I am doing something about it.  I go to the gym 5 days a week.  And before you think, "wow she's got some crazy discipline," my incentive is not to exercise; it's because I want a break from my kids!  My gym has a play area with amazing staff members to watch them.   My boys play with other kids, sing songs, and do arts and crafts.  And for 1-2 hours, I have freedom.  It may be a cement inclosure with smelly sweaty people all around me, but it's very liberating.  I take classes where people kick my butt more than I could ever do on my own, and I get to be a part of the adult world!  Sometimes, I run on the treadmill for 20 minutes, do some ab work and then hide away in the women's bathroom where I blissfully take a hot shower, shave my legs and blow dry my hair!  It has been so good for me to get some time away from my children along with getting my body in shape! 

4. We have a list of babysitters-- and use them! For a long time, I didn't use babysitters.  I had one babysitter that I knew and used her 3 times in 2 years.  Without family here to help watch our children, we don't get much time away from our kids.  So, I made it my mission to get some some quality babysitters, so when one is unavailable, I can ask the next one on the list!  Even if I don't use them regularly, it has rid me of that "trapped" feeling I used to get when I wanted to do something that required child-care but had no options.  Now, I know a babysitter is a phone call away if I want a to go on a date with my husband, get my hair highlighted at the salon, or attend a funeral--all in which I have called a sitter for!  I'm no longer letting the child-care issue be an excuse to not live my life how I fully desire!

First date night in a while. We sat at a bar and ate hamburgers. 

5.  My children run on a daily schedule.  (Now that I don't have a newborn, this is actually possible!) For anyone who knows me well, scheduling and organizing are not my forte.  I have to work to be good at it.  And just like in my teaching years, I know that a well organized and scheduled classroom equals success.  I take that same philosophy toward my parenting style.  We have routines with eating, sleeping and playing.  My children are used to it, and so am I.  If my plans do go awry or something comes up, I try to embrace it the best I can and regroup the next day!

6.  I am part of a community.  I didn't realize how lonely it can be staying at home with my children.  Of course I have my loving husband who works hard but still finds the time to be with us in the afternoons and weekends, but as a stay-at-home-mom in a city that I've yet to fully call home, I have realized more than ever the importance of women in my life.  My best friends and family, my mom friends, and my spiritual friends are all important to me, and I need them on a daily basis!  I make more of a point to call or text my best friends--even if they are miles away.  I plan play dates with my mom friends and their children.  I've even met them in some funny places including the bank and the zoo!  And lastly, I adore my Bible study group.  We have been meeting for the past 3 years where we spend time in God's word.   We are in different stages of life and may not all be best friends, but we pray for each other and always have one another to confide in.   So through all of these different women in my life, I make a point to stay connected.

Two of my best friends and their baby bumps!

As I was pulling groceries out of the car this morning a woman walked by with two preschool aged children in a double-stroller and saw my two boys fussing in the car while I tried to balance more bags than humanly possible on my arms.  She gave me a sweet smile and said, "Don't worry, it gets easier."  I had to chuckle right then and there because I had already written this post and was just waiting to add a few pictures.  I thought I did have it more together, yet she saw me and, I am guessing, was remembering the time her own children were my sons' ages.  So, I guess, my friends, it's all relative.  

Who knows if my life may get thrown up in the air again as I go through the different stages with my sons or anything else life may throw at me?  But I know I am much more grounded and prepared for it.  And as my children grow older, and I grow (hopefully) wiser, juggling all the balls of motherhood don't seem so scary.  I got this.  And, so do you.  

12 ways I know I am a Stay-at-Home Mom

Now that I've had some time to get used to this mommy thing, and being my boys' primary caretaker, (pretty much 24-hours-a-day) I've started to notice some interesting things about myself when I am away from my children (and when I've been with them a little too long...) and this particular way of life that seems to scream, "Stay-at-Home Mom"!

1.  Driving in the car solo is truly a liberating experience. No crying or whining in the backseat is quite heavenly. 

2.  Walking into any store ALONE, without a car seat, stroller, hand to hold, or baby to wear makes me feel naked. I have at least one double-check, heart-skip-a-beat, I-left-my-baby-somewhere freak out moment!

3.  I get excited for my annual gyno appointment.  Someone's watching my kids?  I'll take a stranger looking at my private parts while I blissfully read gossip magazines any day!  (That didn't come out right.  You get my point.) 

4. When the kids are napping I realize I am STILL watching "Micky Mouse Clubhouse".

5.  I talk the ears off the cashier lady at Publix because I haven't had adult conversation in hours.

6.  Getting ready for the day (like actually showering, blow-drying hair, and putting on make-up) is an exhausting experience.  I have to plan it out: shower while they nap, blow-dry while they are occupied with blocks, apply make-up in one hand while baby is in the other... And since that ain't happenin' every day, I'd like to refer you to...

7. The Uniform:  T-shirt, Yoga Pants, running shoes and a pony-tail are the look-of-choice these days. I'm feeling good when I can quickly put on deodorant, brush my teeth and slap on some face lotion, bronzer and chap-stick!

8.  My kid-less friends and even, at times, my husband wonder what I do all day.  Sigh.  No comment. 

9.  Getting out of the house once a day is a must!  Even the sweetest angel baby can turn into a devil child when cabin fever comes upon him.  Which brings me to my next point...

10.   I know about every community playground, fast-food play area, pet-store, splash-pad, and park in the 10-mile radius around my home.  
  

11.  Crock-Pot meals are a way of life.  The witching hour is a REAL thing.

12.  I secretly love that my first born is a Daddy's boy.  When my husband comes home from work, I am no longer needed. (Insert happy, mischievous smile here.) 


There are plenty more things that have changed in my life since my two boys have arrived and my choice to stay at home with them really has been awesome! I am so grateful for the time that I am able to give to them and help shape them into the men they are going to become. Not to mention, I love being there for every milestone moment. It's definitely been fun. So, please know I say some of these things in jest.  I really do love being a SAHM.  

Now someone call me a babysitter.  

We Rest on Sunday

Sunday. The chill day.  The lazy day. The relax day.  The peace after the chaos and the calm before the storm. 

God knows His people so well.  He knows our needs and we need Sunday.   He worked to make the heavens and the earth, the sky and the seas, the animals of the earth and the people in it.  But when He was done,  He rested.  He also made sure to mention in His Good Book that we should also rest. Our bodies and souls need it. 

Today is Sunday.  And it is beautiful.  No church for us today since our children are coming off from having the flu, but I have been intentional about making sure I rest today.  Boy, did my body need it after caring for two kids with the flu all week.  This mama is tired. 

My house at the moment is blissfully quiet.  There are no loud toys making obnoxious noises and the kid's channel is turned off on the television.   My husband and young baby are in the Master bedroom snoozing away, and I just put my other son down for a nap is his bedroom.  I can still hear a faint  "vroom-vroom" sound as he mimics car sounds while he plays with his favorite monster truck one last time before his eyes get too heavy to play anymore.

 

I just had some wonderful down-time with my almost 2-year-old son.  We rested together.  We sat together on his kid-sized Jake and the Neverland Pirate couch and played games on the i-pad together.  As I watched his face light up to learning colors and numbers, I started to melt inside.  My mind drifted as I watched my blonde-haired, big beautiful brown-eyed boy playing in the glow of the tablet.  I thought about this life and if he or I left it too soon.  It is a bit morbid, but sometimes when I think about love so much, I start to think about the possibility of it being taken away.  I thought about some of the people I  know who have lost people on this earth far too early, and my heart started to get heavy.  In that small moment, I soaked up all I could of my precious boy.  I hugged him a little harder and kissed him multiple times on the cheek.  I even told him I was going to eat him up like a banana in which he giggled at that silly thought.

 

I don't know what the future holds.  But I have today.   I have my family on this peaceful Sunday.  And for that, I am overwhelmingly grateful. 

A Letter to My 3rd Trimester Body

I feel a bit bad writing this to you since we were on such good terms the past couple months.  Yes, I have finally forgiven you for the issues from 1^st trimester.  You finally understood that nausea all day long was just not working.  Puking to every little smell that didn’t please you was putting a serious cramp in my day.  I never thought I’d say that I now enjoy changing my son’s poopy diapers just for the fact that I don’t have to chuck my breakfast into the waste basket while doing it.  So, I really tried to give you the benefit of the doubt thinking we were on better terms with one another.  But, here we are again.  And I have some serious issues to discuss with you…

I think you have gone overboard with the “glow” everyone talks about one having during pregnancy.  You have taken it way too literally.  To “glow” does not mean sweat out of every pore in your body.  Under boob sweat is not attractive.  I will leave it at that.

Now, what is going on with the vagina pain?  Seriously.  I feel like someone has hit me with a baseball bat straight to the groin.  You have reduced me to having to hold on to the ledge of my dresser just to put my underwear on in the morning.  My pride is gone—especially when my husband has to help.   

I am drained.  You have made me think sitting on the couch all day is the only way to survive.  Yet, that is just not a viable option.   Please give me some energy back.  It feels like a huge triumph just to get the kitchen cleaned.   I know you would like me to sleep all day long.  That would be just dandy, huh? Well life goes on and I need you to buck up and get moving!

And how? Just how do you justify yourself making me feel exhausted all day long, yet once night comes, insomnia kicks in?!  I have gone to great lengths to make you feel comfortable.  I have taken up most of the king size bed that I share with my husband for you.  I have bought a very expensive pillow just for you.   I have my own blanket at night since you can’t make up your mind whether you are cold or hot, or dripping with sweat… all for you.  I have kept the “throw” pillows on the bed just so I can lay in more of an incline so I can breathe better for you.   So, why then do you feel the need to keep me up half the night?  I lay looking at the clock watching the hours go by because I am so uncomfortable.  And, then.  Say I do FINALLY get comfortable, or at a place I think will give me the rest I need, YOU HAVE TO GO PEE!  Can’t a woman catch a break!  These bathroom trips are seriously getting excessive.   

 

Ahhh… the bathroom.  We have become good friends.  Now, nearing the end of this pregnancy, I make constant trips, which are usually all teasers.  Please, just wait a bit for when the bladder is actually full.  Do not be deceived by the little baby pressing on it. 

Can we talk about diet for a second?  Don’t you know that vegetables, fruit and protein are all things you need to be healthy and keep that baby healthy?  Then why?  Why do you crave sugar and carbs!?  The grocery store has been a serious challenge.  I would like to have some sort of will power when I go, yet it’s like you put a trance over me.  I don’t know how you do it, but somehow those chocolate muffins and popsicles sneak their way into the cart.  I know you are behind this!  Please. I am nearing the end.  My maternity clothes don’t even fit!  My husband’s shirts don’t cover this belly.  Can you just crave some dang broccoli?

 

And lastly, all these physical ailments have definitely put me in that category of “grump”.  I try so hard to be pleasant.  My husband constantly asks me, “What’s wrong”.  I know he’s just trying to show he cares, but even the very question makes me cringe.  I respond with various answers each time, trying not to make a big deal, but this is what I’d really like to say...

"What do you think is wrong? You idiot. Don’t you see this huge watermelon I’m carrying around? How would you like to walk around with what feels like a giant bowling ball attached to your abdomen all day? I’m pregnant!  And that means a whole heck of a lot of things that I don’t feel like explaining to you!” 

So, in the efforts to NOT EVER say that to my husband, and save my marriage, let’s start to work together on this a bit.

So here’s my final plea:  Can you please ease up on all these symptoms?  We are almost there.  The home stretch.  I do not doubt the miracle you are making.  And I know it’s worth every ache and pain you present to me.  But, I’m begging you.  I can’t take much more of this.  Focus on keeping that baby healthy and try, just try, to help a mama out!  Thank you for listening. I really think together we can make some positive changes!

Wait.  What’s that?  You’re tired? Tired of trying to remember certain words to type that usually come to you so simply?

Yea. Ok, let’s go.  I think there’s a place on the couch to rest and a chocolate muffin with your name on it. 

Our Mini-Babymoon!

Before the arrival of your new bundle of joy, the new trend is to have a "Babymoon".  Really, it's just a fancy way of saying, "A-Weekend-Get-Away-Before-Total-Chaos-Ensues".  It's a chance for Mom and Dad to relax and have some time together before their lives are forever changed by their new miracle. 

My husband and I thought this sounded fantastic! A weekend just to ourselves? With no child? Eating together, relaxing together, talking about things other than our kid?  Sign us up!  And, my parents even offered to come watch our son.  Well, life got in the way and we were running out of options for weekends.  So, our dream babymoon weekend turned into a half-day at the spa...and we were not complaining one bit.

You see, when life changed with children, time also changed.  Time became more valuable.  Very valuable.

Before children, I was liberal with my time.  Slept in, binged watched episodes on Netflix, full days of shopping, long dinners out to eat... I never thought about how long I would be doing various activities.  I didn't worry about when my child would wake up, or how much more money I'd have to pay the babysitter, time was not an issue.

So, with time being a factor, we were able to make a half-day at a spa work for us. We were also on a limited budget, so we liked the idea of spending our money on particular luxuries instead of on time (for instance, a 2-night hotel stay). 

We woke up at 8 a.m. (even before my son awoke) and got ready for our spa day. My husband wasn't too excited since it was a work day for him and couldn't seem to get the stress of work off his mind.  He also didn't know how nice of a place we were actually going to...

Ponte Vedra Inn is located in Ponte Vedra, Florida.  Just trust me when I say it's one of the nicest places I think anyone could go for a vacation or spa visit. 



Outside the Spa.  35 weeks pregnant.

 

We arrived at 8:40 a.m. where we were shown our respective locker rooms to put our belongings in and changed into our provided robes and slippers.  Brett and I met each other outside of the bathrooms and we were like giddy school children awaiting a surprise.

Secretly taking a selfie in my robe since phones were forbidden. =/

 

At 9:00 a.m. we were already sitting in massage chairs and getting pedicures (Brett's first pedicure).  It was fabulous to relax and be pampered together.  Rarely do we do get to do things like this as a couple.

The rest of the day followed with hanging out in the steam room, Jacuzzi (Brett did at least, I relaxed in the meditation room and read a magazine), lunch poolside, drinks poolside, and a maternity massage for me.  We also enjoyed the pool since it was a hot summer day.  And when I say we, I really mean me.  Being 35 weeks pregnant, I felt amazing and weightless in that pool!

My sexy hubby poolside

 

 drinking cucumber mint infused water

 

We left the spa spending a pretty penny, but it was so worth it! We left around 2:00 p.m. and I have to say, we were both more relaxed than we had been in a long time.  Brett was also able to forget about work for a while.  We had the time to just be husband and wife again.   

Before children, I don't think I would have appreciated a 5-hour vacation. I don't think I would have called that a vacation at all.  But, when you're a stay-at-home-mom with no family in town to watch your children on a normal basis, a 5 hour get-away is glorious! We didn't even have to pay for a babysitter!  Grandparents are awesome!

picture my dad sent us while we were at the spa. =)

Brett and I both talked about how those 5 hours rejuvenated us - our bodies, our minds, our relationship.  It was special.  Of course we would have taken a full weekend get-away, but we considered it time and money well spent.  The babymoon was a success.  Now bring on the baby! =)

The "Let It Ride" Mentality

"Get that DAMN thing out of my room!" I screamed at my older sister when I was around 9 years old about a toy I didn't want her to put in my room.  She gasped and yelled to our mom in the other room, "MoOOOom, Dianna just used a cuss word!"

I immediately started bawling my eyes out. I felt horrible.  I hated breaking the rules, and I hated even more having my mother upset with me.  I crawled into my bed and stuffed my head between my knees embarrassed at the events that just occurred.  My mother didn't even punish me, but consoled me as I cried on the bed.  Not a normal disciplinary action for a parent to have, but I was really shaken up. 

Shy as a young girl, I never was the one to break the mold.  I tended to stay within the lines. I was a rule follower.  As an adult, my rule following turned more into being overly cautious or worse, a lack of spontaneity.  My husband would roll his eyes at some of the things I worried about that the "average" person wouldn't think twice about. 

We were on our way to the beach.  It was packed.  There were no parking spots in sight.  My husband thought to park at our old place and walk the block to the beach.  I responded with, "That's ILLEGAL, we don't live there anymore."  He tends to laugh at me when I say this because I emphasize the word where my eyes get real big and my voice gets high-pitched like a little girl.  Needless to say, we drove around another 10 minutes until a spot opened up, because, of course, parking in our old apartment complex is, no doubt,  ILLEEEEEEGAL!
 
Being a first-time parent hasn't helped the situation.  Within my son's first year of life, I would definitely have classified myself as an overly protective parent.  I was just doing innately what I felt was right. I even wrote about it here, I Can Have a Life, And a Baby, Too!

But now as my son enters toddlerdom, (is that a word?) a different side of me has returned.  I say returned because there have been times in my life where I have, say, let my hair down. This care-free spontaneous side was most prevalent during my college years.  And, of course it was! My only worry was making it to class on time in the morning!  I didn't have the worries of finances, jobs, future planning, house-tending, and baby-caring that I do now.  I learned to love life, live a little, and maybe break a few rules along the way.

A close sorority sister even wrote me a letter one time and told me how she loved my life's mantra, which she claimed I answered life's dilemma's with the phase, "let it ride."  (What?  I said this hippy, throw-caution-to-the-wind saying, and said it enough that she took notice? ) She continued to tell me another time how she enjoyed my care-free spirit in which I didn't let things "ruffle my feathers".  I just shook my head up and down slowly taking full credit of this life-view, "oh yeah, that's my motto, LET IT RIDE!"  That was one of the best compliments anyone had ever given me.

So why is this "let it ride" mentality coming to light again?   For one thing, I am much more comfortable in my skin as a mom.  I understand that there are many different parenting styles (no one right answer) for the many different types of children.  Although I may be knocked down, confused, scared, or overwhelmed as a parent, I will never cease to give my children the best care I can.  And, now that my little one has become a toddler, his care-free nature of just being a kid has rubbed off on me.  And it's been really, really, refreshing. 

For instance...

Huge fistful's of sand in his mouth? Sure, why not?

Or grapes covered in the sand for a snack? Yuummmy!

Pacifier fell on the ground? 5 second rule.

Throwing dirt out of my flower pots? I'll buy more. 

Baby Poop on the back porch? Hose it off.  (You have to be a parent, I think, to understand this one.)

Playing in the fountain at the zoo because the splash pad is full of big kids? A little reclaimed water has never hurt anyone.  ;) 

Going into Dillard's to buy socks for Daddy but have a spontaneous Hide-And-Go-Seek game in the clothes with my son instead?  Total Mommy Win.  Sorry sales clerk.


I told me husband a couple days ago how I've really started to feel more comfortable when it comes to raising Carson.  Of course I will instill discipline and respect, but I want to be the mom that can forget responsibilities for a minute, or a time-schedule, or even proper etiquette sometimes for the chance to make fun, lasting memories with my children.  This is my one life. 

I'm excited and encouraged to see this side of me blossom.  I look to the future with a full heart and smile as I know I will, "let it ride" more often.